DREAMING

Someone said to me "What are your dreams and plans for the future?" and for the first time in my life I was at a word-loss. I used to be a big dreamer and a lot of the times those dreams actually came true (even if only for a short while).

Now I live my life one day at a time, just struggling to be "OK" with the hardships of life, this is ok for a bad patch in yur life but not for all of it...

Now I find myself in infant-mode where I need to learn how to walk again, I used to run, but that seems a different life in another parallel universe. Only thing is that this time it feels like there is no parent to hold my hand for if I fall, I have to learn by myself.

I try and focus my mind but as the noise from the surroundings fade to put me in a "dream-like state" something happened which I should have known but have "conveniently" forgot; depression attacks! I remember and think of all the bad, all the feelings and pain that brought me to this dreamless place. NO!!!!!

Now I remember why I had to switch of that part of my mind and heart, that's the place full of scars and pain, that's also the place I confined the demons to. S**T! I need that space back, although that part of me is scorched, I need to try and repair it, but how. There is Evil here waiting on me to enter so they can attack!

I thought I was coping so well, but maybe I was just in defense mode against my past. Even this blog was meant to be a positive remembrance to dream again but yet it is enough to scratch open a big enough gap for the demons to poke their heads out.

I will post again l8r about dreaming, for now I need to patch up a gap in a wall...