Darkness

The last few days I have been walking in the light, shining down on me so bright that at times it felt surreal, like this heavenly glow on your face.

This place was so welcomed as I felt separated from this light for some time now, I could see it shining outside my window but I would only peak at it through the narrowest of openings in my curtain as I felt burnt and the darkness, although scary, did offer some level of comfort & relief and in this darkness the ppl around me did not have to see my face.

Why is it then that when I am in the light those comforts that the darkness offer seem so stupid and actually quite laughable? Why do we so many times look for the darkness? Well this time it found me! I wasn't even looking for it... NO REALLY!

It came in the form of some embarrassing moments, followed by people just not understanding and sprinkled with some just plain rudeness. This cast a shadow on this light that I came to love again but this time I fought it, I wanted to spend some more time in this light, I mean honestly I did not even get the time to get a slight tan.

The thing is, have you ever try and run from a shadow? If you really think about it, we can run from most shadows except our own. So I realized I'm running from my own shadows and not some shadow this cruel world is casting. This is part of me while I'm in the light. Whether I see it or not depends on the direction I'm facing.

We can be in a bad place and see the light and be at a good place and have troubles, how much this affects you will depend on the direction your facing. If you focus on your goals in life then it makes the shadows seem to hide. Accept that bad things will happen but then also accept that even if life is at its worst that there is light outside just waiting to shine on you!

My Mind

My mind wanders into the abyss of timelessness while my body carry on with its android-like behavior. I "convince" myself that people around me does not notice this, that they think nothing is wrong, like a child hiding behind his bedroom door convinced that his mother (who is playing hide and seek with him) has no idea he is there. But this too is not true...

I check the time and realize that I'm alone in the office, everyone else has left: "Where has the day gone?", "What did I miss?"

Now its off to try and pass some more time until my mind numbs enough to trick my body into going to sleep. This these last few weeks seems to be like the change from night to day; you know its going to happen almost like clockwork whether you want it to or not. With this too I'm convincing myself that it's so bad, when I actually does seem to have quite a few differentiating factors involved.

Actually when looking at the bigger picture all is not THAT bad. This seems like a cliche but its not. The question remains: "Will my mind be on my side tonight or against me?"

Why is it that we spend so much time convincing ourselves that everything is so bad? Why don't we spend that time and effort convincing ourselves that all is well or that there is hope? I mean really, we do seem to be very good at convincing!